Bad News

Good times are over, had an allergic reaction today, so a new episode begins, no doubt.

Aetna has refused to extend my insurance benefits. They say there is no evidence that I cannot work, despite the fact that my doctor is certain that I cannot and filled out the paperwork appropriately.

I cannot work. I barely live.

My job was a Technical Business Analyst. I was responsible for compiling huge amounts of data, sifting through it and writing up specifications for complex computer programs.

You can read what I've written and see that I can't think well enough to do work like that anymore. I used to type perfectly. I was an amateur writer with perfect spelling and grammer and a real way with words. Now, I drop words, I transpose words, I use similar words to those I mean to use. I can barely type a sentence without pausing over and again to try to think of what it is that I am writing, search my memory for ordinary words, etc. I can't even put together a grocery list, let alone write complex specifications. It's pointless to try to proofread. I won't catche the errors.

I have to stay cooped up in my house in an attempt to avoid contact with anything that will cause an allergic reaction. I have had severe reactions to perfume, lotions, grass, insects, clothing dyes in new clothes, detergent, soap, various foods, leaves, dust, medicines, any type of exertion, sunlight, heat, cold. You name it. And the weirdest thing is that I will have a reaction to something, then not have an allergic reaction to the same thing, then have it again. There is no rhyme or reason to it.

I never know what I'll be allergic to. I have never even had a whelp from a mosquito bite, yet, during the summer nights, I mean months, I could step outside for a few minutes and come in with dozens of whelps from mosquitos I guess. Once, in fifteen minutes, I got over thirty whelps. I took four steps out into the grass once, and the foot which was injured received 23 bites from what must have been noseeum's. Tiny, invisible bugs. My foot was covered with sores for weeks and weeks. I still have the scars. That was in August. It's now November.

After any allergic reaction, even a single tiny bug bite or a whiff of perfume for days or weeks I will have an upset stomach. Nausea, diarhea, cramps. I get terribly congested in my head and in my lungs. I get extremely tired and achy. Generally, the full package deal.

I have had a few weeks of almost feeling normal this month, November. I felt pretty okay this afternoon, even though my mom said I didn't look as well as I have the last few weeks. I felt very fatigued but have come to think of that as normal, even though I've had more days of not feeling so tired lately. I went out to dinner with my mother today. I had shrimp cakes which I've had at least 3 times over the last 3 months with no reaction. I had an allergic reaction. My windpipe became constricted, my head filled with mucus, I could hardly talk. I had to use my asthma inhaler and down a H1 inhibitor, Allegra, and 150 milligrams of an H2, ranitidine, just to get to breathing without great labor. I can't afford the $72 Epi-pen, but if I'd had it, I may have used it.

Now, as I write, even after using Afrin, saline spray, and Nasalcrom repeatedly, I cannot breathe through my nose. My chest is very tight. I have a terrible stomach ache. I have diarhea and stomach cramps. I ache all over. I'm very tired but I can't lay down because it makes breathing even more difficult. My limbs feel like lead. I'm only typing to try to stay awake because I can't lay down.

I know I'll be sick for two weeks from this. When I say sick, I mean all of the above, all of the time.

Oh, plus teh itching! Ohmygosh, how could I neglect to mention the itching???!! It's almost second nature now I suppose. Except that the rashes that had begun to flare up badly again in the last few days despite applications of Vanos have now gone hog wild. And not just the rashes. I am itching in dozens of other places right now, all over my body. The itches jumps from here to there constantly. I have to grit my teeth and just try not to scratch because once I start, it starts to look like I'm doing the St. Vitus Dance, scratching wildly all over. So I grit my teeth and twitch instead.

That alone is extremely stressful. The itching is bad right now because of the attack, but it comes and goes all of the time regardless. I have fits of itching. It makes me extremely anxious. I have to take anxiety medication often just for that alone.

I just took a Prevacid, another 150 of ranitidine, a couple of extra strength Tylenol, and one of my last few Singulair. In a bit, I'm going to take one dose of my last four doses of Gastrocrom I've been hoarding.

I've been trying to substitute Nasalcrom for the Gastrocrom. It has the same dosage of cromolyn sodium as Gastrocrom. I has seemed to help, though not approaching the helpfulness of the Gastrocrom. It seems to help the headaches, some of the congestion, maybe the stomach aches but that might be stretching it a bit. The pharmacist said that it would be getting into my bloodstream, not as well as the oral Gastrocrom, but if I did feel some inprovement, it probably wasn't all in my head.

I've been hoarding the samples of Prevacid I've gotten from the doctor, too. It works best, but I can get by with over the counter Prilosec as long as I take it like clockwork and take the 300 milligrams of ranitidine a day.

I dole out the Atarax, too, and try to make do with over the counter when I can, or my little hoard of Allegra. Every H1 blocker sits on my like a ton of rocks though. I can't do anything, but maybe type stream of consciousness like this. If I lay down, I'll sleep for 12 hours straight, at least.

Now, do I sound like someone you would be able to hire to work full-time as a business analyst? Maid? Nanny? Secretary? Gardener? Come on. I'll probably have 3 weeks out of every six months when I'm able to actually get to work. Maybe half of the time I'll be able to get out of bed for 4 or 5 hours a day, maybe shower and dress every three days or so. Won't you hire me and pay me $40,000 a year?

Aetna thinks you will. Aetna sees no problem with me being able to work despite my doctor telling them in writing that there is no way in hell possible.

Full benefits? I only need about $30K worth of medicine a year, a bone marrow test, and medical care at the Mayo Clinic.

Guess I'd better delete that if Aetna finds out about this blog.

Still no word

No word on the insurance. I'm getting paperwork from lawyers the disability company has contracted with to try to get me on Social Security.

I've just been begging samples from my doctors office. I've been sick continuously now since around mid-May. I had a brief spell of feeling fairly okay April to mid-May.

Being without the Gastrocrom is the worst, since I had a few weeks of feeling better while on the medicine. Not great, but better.

I just have to do the best I can and try to hope.