Miserable ass

So, Wednesday was a fairly good day, though I still didn't feel like doing much of anything. Started on the Clariten that night and doxepin on Thursday and I was sleepy all day. Then on Friday, I became possessed by Satan.

Geezuslouisis was I ill-tempered! Seriously, I was possessed by Satan. Mean. Rotten. Hateful! I probably could have chewed puppies and kittens.

I thought it might be the doxepin but might wear off after a couple of days once I adjusted. Its only 10mg. So I laid off of the clariten instead and Satan was exorcised by Saturday. Perhaps it was the combination. I've decided to keep up with the doxepin for few more days and then try the clariten again. I can't tell that it's helping the rashes though because they have been flaring up again.

I didn't become congested anymore than usual without the clariten. But, I slept very fitfully Friday night and woke up feeling badly. I had to cancel the dogs appointment as I didn't even feel up to taking them to the groomers. Sunday I felt worse and decided that I needed to finally admit that I apparently have some kind of sinus infection that I've been suspecting for weeks. I've been running a low grade fever and just haven't felt good even on days when I haven't had any significant symptoms for weeks and weeks. I've had bad, ucky yook coming out of my left sinuses (which has a deviated septum) and headaches on that side and ear aches and periods of almost deafness on that side. But, at times it would seem better. I had meant to mention it to the doctor when I 'd seen her but my mind is so bad I had forgotten. I hadn't written it down like I had everything else (otherwise I wouldn't have been able to tell her anything).

I called today and got a Z-Pak and took the first dose this evening. Now I have terrible myalgia but I don't know if its connected. It started immediately after taking the dose. I mean immediately. Within minutes. That doesn't seem reasonable, but nothing about this disease seems reasonable, so who knows?

Anyway, the myalgia is so bad I just took a darvocet, so I'll feel better soon I hope.

I have some letters from a reader I want to post, but maybe I'll feel up to fooling with it in a day or two.

Oh, one more note. Very, very early Sunday morning I had another panic attack. I've only had about 5, all since after the night of my accident. I'd had 3 that night while in the emergency room, beginning when they had me in that big head contraption to keep me from moving. I started to feel like I was suffocating even though I could breathe. And that is how they have been everytime since. I had slept a few hours, awakenend, and after a few more hours I felt like I could sleep again. So I went back to bed and I was breathing find, I wasn't stopped up or anything, but all of a sudden I became convinced I was suffocating, although my rational mind kept telling myself that I could breathe, I was breathing, but it didn't matter. I was suffocating. I got up and took a Klonopin which the doc has given me for them (and also for restless legs which I occasionally have). Then I went outside on the porch and tried to breathe deeply and calm myself down. It was cold as hell and I was barefooted but I didn't care, I just had to get out in the night air so I could breathe, even though I could breathe anyway. It's the weirdest thing. Almost impossible to explain to anyone who has never had one, which I had never had prior to the accident. Very strange.

Ooops. Just had a little tachycardia. I've been having little bouts of that for weeks and weeks now, after none for quite a while. Thank God they pass quickly.

I feel bad sometimes for just writing about my miseries. But, that is why I started this blog, as a kind of diary, not so much for readers, but more to keep my miseries out of my other blog where I have a little fun and rant about stuff. Still, though I'm very happy you're here. And you are the reason I try to keep up the links... for your research and edification, not so much my moaning and groanings.