Daily Diary

I'm going to start forcing myself to make a Daily Diary entry every day, no matter how terrible I feel. It may be helpful for when I do, finally and eventually, file for Social Security benefits. Which I swore I would two within two weeks of January 1st, so I better do it this weekend, huh? Of course, I would get a virus. I suppose I have a virus anyway. It's really incredibly hard to tell the difference between regular bad masto days and even a heavy cold.

The entries may be short, terse, and boring, but it is for me and not any readers who may stroll by. There will be two parts: 1) how I felt, and 2) what I accomplished. I've sworn to accomplish something, no matter how minor, each and every day. I may include a third, what meds I take, depending on what time I post, and the previous days meds might be more applicable, I don't know yet.

1) Today, the bone pain, myalgia, or arthritis or whatever you want to call it has been very, very bad. It's difficult to walk. I can gently squeeze a finger and it hurts badly. 10 minutes later, I can squeeze and it feels fine. 10 minutes later, I can squeeze and cry out in pain. It's freaking ridiculous. Joints ache. Bones in joints ache. Shoulders, legs, back, everything aches at one moment or another or all at the same time.

The fatigue is terrible. I had a hard time going to sleep last night and didn't get to bed for real until about 9am, but I still slept my usual 6 hours, not getting up until around 3pm. Still, I've had to go lay down in the bed twice for 30-45 minutes lest I fall out of my chair and down to the floor.

The Phenavent really interferes with my sleep. I've got to try to get some OTC cold medicine tomorrow and see if that helps better. The Phenavent just really helps me breathe from my nose and my lungs are more relaxed and I can take a little deeper shallow breaths and don't cough so much. It also holds off the asthma I'm especially prone to when having a cold.

The rashes behind my knees have flared up badly so I applied Vanos. No sooner had I, than the rashes on my abdomen flared up. I'll hold off a day or two before applying the corticosteroid, as its for small areas only.

2) I took out the trash today. Emptied the bins, picked up the trash around the house, put it out in the trash can and rolled it to the curb. Had to take two breaks because I got so hot and so breathless. Then, I got so cold. I'm constantly changing the temp in the house. I get hot at 67 degrees and freezing cold at 73 degrees. It's sick.

I dressed long enough to go get a salad and a burger for dinner. Rather, for lunch and dinner. Just ate the burger, then later the salad. Mostly. Appetite not great. Then back into the gown and robe. Life is grand. (I'm being sarcastic.)

No, I hate that feeling sorry for myself bullshit. I'm alive. I have loved ones, even if I have no immediate family, I have my mother and sister and brother in law and nieces and nephews. I have my pets, my house, my neighbors, and a community I could participate in, an income, a lot of medicines that are affordable, too many belongings, a car.

I still have a few friends though some have seemed to dropped me inexplicably. I've done nothing to them, nor have I talked about my problems or health or done anything I know of that should drive them away. But, that's okay. I think in at least one case it's a matter of passive aggressiveness that's been shown many times before, especially when one doesn't kowtow to her overbearing bossiness and brow beating.

Ok, don't know where that came from, but there it is. So what.